My life has been pretty much everywhere the last couple of months.

For one my parents getting a divorce of which I'm happy about since my dad has been a shit head since he discovered the days of the internet. He's been treating my mom poorly and left my family for some online girlfriend type thing, not to mention he stopped working at the nail salon and left my mom to work by herself 7 days a week which is 70+ hours a week because she's the owner so she has to open and close the nail salon. She doesn't get any days off and works her ass off. It really upsets me a lot and I'm doing everything I can on my end to help her out so that she can live more comfortably. I mean I wouldn't mind it so much if my dad were to actually go out and get a normal hourly/salary based job but he refuses and just sits at home drinking, smoking, and chats on the internet. He's a piece of shit dad and a piece of shit husband. My mom says she'll give him a chance but only if he stops drinking and smoking and steps up to the plate which I doubt. The papers for the divorce are all done and finalized so he just has to sign them. So we'll see how it goes.

I'm still reflecting a lot over the incident with my ex-best friend who lied to me all these years. I mean I'm not hurt by it and I completely let it go but its just annoying when it pops into your head every now and then. I mean I trusted the kid but he downright betrayed me. It's just funny because when his girlfriend broke up with him, he broke it off with me too. Oh well, its just wasted effort and as far as I know and he isn't going anywhere in life. His mom spoils him like hell and his grades are very poor and not to mention all he does at home is play RockBand from morning till night. He's only cares about himself and only himself from what I've learned, I've only stayed friends with him for so long because I thought maybe he'd be the one friend I could count on but I was wrong, dead wrong. Sadly I was too stupid to realize that my best friend was closer to me than I thought. Ironically its Olivia only because shes dealt with a crazy ass best friend of her own and suffers a similar fate like me.

Aside from other stuff like being financially retarded and being over scheduled from work and school. There is one thing that makes me very happy in life, though we haven't been dating for very long. I feel something strong with her. I really do like her and unfortunately for some of my friends I am falling for her. Despite all the shit I'm dealing with, despite everything that has gone on. Somehow, someway I can always smile because of her.

It's the last week before Thanksgiving Break and with everything that has gone on it's been pretty good. I recently went back home to the Chicago area and took along my Asian friend and my roommate. They were pretty intrigued by the whole situation although the 4 hour car ride kind of sucked.

The first day we went we went to go see a movie. We saw The Fourth Kind, it was very scary then I found out it was all lies but before I found that out I was shaking for a wild. I was really scared, not gonna lie. It was pretty horrible but I got annoyed mainly because there are these little middle school kids that were being obnoxious by being loud and stupid. I wanted to punch each and everyone of those little jack nuts. I wanted to leave and get our money back but my roommate was blah and as was the Asian girl. So I stuck it out but overall that movie was on par with Paranormal Activity. Then after the movie we went to White Castle, I got 20 chicken rings and 2 burgers. It was pretty amazing. I was scared and eating food to compensate for my being scared. Lol.

On Saturday we decided to head out to IKEA, my roommate got a lamp and end table and I got a media case for my many DVDs and Blu-Ray. The lines were awful and long since I haven't been out to store on a Saturday in a long time. It took about 30 minuets or so to get through but we did it. Afterward we headed to Mitsuwa which is the Japanese grocery store. It was definitely super packed there. They apparently brought in a 300 LB tuna fish and was slicing it all over the place, that thing was pretty huge and it was cool except for the millions of Asians everywhere trying to get a piece of it. We ate the food court there. My Asian friend is Korean so she obviously went to the Korean food corner they had there. She was very pleased because they had actual Korean food that tasted delicious. My roommate and I had the ramen that was there. That stuff is amazing, we both got the spicy soup ramen. I liked that the pork was very tender. After the whole Mitsuwa experience I went to go pick up my Lindsay friend, whom I haven't seen for a while. We sat around talking about random crap and eating the cake and ice cream we got from Mitsuwa. We then went to meet up with an old coworker of mine, Traci (Tracy). We headed to Lonestar Steak House and had a pretty amazing time there. Mainly because we took many pictures and had awesome food. We went back to my house and had some dance dance revolution action and Traci wasn't doing too well so it was very comical.

Sunday, my roommate and my Asian friend went to The Village Squire. We only got soup and an appetizer sampler. We packed and went to have Lunch with my mom. We had fantastic sushi at Sushi Station and we ate a ton. Especially my Asian friend, she was all over that. Lol. Overall the weekend was pretty amazing.

Lets turn it around for a bit here. I know I've been posting rather depressing crap lately so lets make it happy or okay or whatever all of you want it to be.

My birthday weekend was better than I thought it was and I left off in my previous entry that my Liz friend was bent on taking me out to hang out with her for some ungodly reason. Little did I know it was all part of some elaborate plan for a surprise birthday party. Liz came to pick me up at my house which I thought was weird too since it would had make more sense for me to go to her but at the same time I just thought I didn't have to drive and I could just be lazy. I'm just tired of driving. I didn't get to do any homework or list anyone on eBay like I wanted to so that was a pain in the ass, won't lie.

So at Liz's townhouse on campus we were just hanging out for a while. I jacked some of her donuts and chips because I was starving. Then I thought we were going to play Mario Kart on her Wii but that didn't happen mainly because this weirdo wedding show came on. Had all these women on it wanting super expensive dresses that they'll only wear once and I'll never understand why people would pay 2000~10000 or so dollars on a dress they'll wear once and they started crying and I just went ugh. Lol. I didn't really enjoy that show but with all that going on and Liz going "Aww" half the time.

A little bit of time went by and "Topher" which is short for Christoper who is Liz's boyfriend was going to spend the weekend or something there with her. He's a pretty cool kid though sometimes I do wonder about him. Truth be told I'm a bad third wheel, for some reason I don't feel right when I'm hanging with a couple and normally try to leave and since Liz drove me there I couldn't leave and apparently she knew I would try to leave which was why she drove in the first place. I mean it wasn't too bad, we just chatted for a while since all three of us owned iPhones and it was fun. At that time we left to go back to my apartment.

As I was opening my door I noticed two people in the dark just standing still as the door was opened. At first I thought "Oh shit! We got some buglers in here!" but it turned out to be Andrew and Olivia setting up my surprise party with "She Wolf" by Shakira playing in the background. I was surprised mainly because I didn't expect Olivia to be there since she goes to school at UIUC which is about 2 hours or so away from me.

A little off topic and I'm using the exact words and some commentary from my roommate who has scared the crap out of me twice. I'm easily spooked and I don't do well when people just randomly walk behind me as I just freak out. Now the first time was at 2:30 AM and I was playing Left 4 Dead on my PC in my room. I was wearing noise canceling headphones to not disturb the neighbors and so I could hear better. He comes in drunk and notices a loaf of bread in the doorway. I was too lazy to put it in the kitchen so I just left it there. Apparently he was talking to me about it but I couldn't hear him, saying how it isn't that hard to put the bread away. He notices that I didn't respond so he proceeded to my room and started yelling at me to get my attention but I still didn't hear him. Left 4 Dead was really loud because of all the dying zombies and stuff. Then finally he just shook my loft bed and I thought "Shit! Earthquake!" and as I turned around I paused looking at my roommate (mind you, I don't remember this pause at all but he says there was one) and then I just let out a super loud scream. He fell laughing his ass off. Another occasion was when I was getting a drink of water and didn't notice he was doing the same and I freaked but that story wasn't as funny as the other one.

Back on topic, after about 15 minuets of reminiscing we headed to Red Lobster. I had to wear a birthday sash because I didn't want to wear the birthday hat. The hat was much worst, believe me. I ordered some delicious food while Liz and her boyfriend got matching entrees. My roommate Andrew got something with shrimp and Olivia got some sort of shrimp pasta. Andrew wanted the waitress to sing Happy Birthday but I said "Hell No" and that was it. It was a fun night and we all took a lot of pictures and it was the pick me up I needed since my whole week was shitastic. After that we went our separate ways, Olivia spending the night we had a smaller party with us three back in my apartment and us three being Andrew, Olivia, and I.

The next morning I had to go home, I wanted to spend time with my mom. I cleaned the house and stuff for her since she was working and didn't have time to do so. I even did her laundry for her because she didn't know how to work the washing machine and dryer. I also found out she filed for divorce so I have to make sure to be home when she breaks the news to my dad because I don't know what will happen. I just want to make sure my mom is okay and whatever to my dad. He doesn't deserve a woman like my mom and my mom deserves better. She took me out to Sushi the next day for dinner before I left. We both ate a lot and it was pretty awesome. I love spending time with my mom, I also stepped up my effort levels for school and stuff because my mom works hard for my sister and I. Though my sister doesn't understand the situation and just worries about her anime and crap which really annoys me sometimes.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk to this girl I have a huge interest in. I don't know what will happen, but I need to do it otherwise it'll haunt me like it did today and last night. I'm going to have to grow some balls to do this and it'll probably end up awkward so we'll see what happens but I'm nervous as fuck. Other than that I have a ton of homework to do and today is my 20th birthday. I feel old being 20 now. Lol. I hope everyone else is having a good week.

Hey peeps, a lot of things have happened since the last post which is why I haven't been on Live Journal in a long ass time. I'm going to fill all of you in for the most part but it's going to be a somewhat long entry so bear with me here. I've also done the commenting I could as far as I know and those that have removed me: Sorry I couldn't be on to update and comment. Shit happens and most of you that add/remove people are probably people that just want high numbers of comments and shit so fuck off To those that have kept me thanks for that, yeah I know I've been pretty bad with commenting and stuff but you all know why.

Everything with my friends have been somewhat okay, though a lot of people have given me a lot of disappointment issues. When someone does fail to meet certain expectations my effort levels does die a little for them. I've made some new friends and they've been good to me and it's hard since it has been a while since I've actually pushed for making new friends but the problem is I'm putting in 100% and my return rate is lower than 10% which is bad for me. I'm also tired of people blowing me off and I know I do that too but it's not like I purposely do it, I rarely do it so let me put it that way.

I think I have some sort of depression, I haven't been happy period. I get short burst of joy that last less than 24 hours. At the end of the day when all things are done I just get sad and upset. I refuse to go see any sort of doctor or whatever because of two reasons, I don't have health insurance and I don't want to be medicated. Mainly because I don't really believe in anti-depressants but that's just me. I can get through this crap on my own regardless of whatever is going on. I know why I'm depressed or think I know why. It's just the collaboration of my friends, my love life, my family, and how I think I'm going to fail at life. I think I'm going to fail as an accountant. Which is why I have this eBay thing going, it's my back up in case I fail out of school or something and it worries me. I've stepped up my game for the most part for school because my mom is working hard for me to be in school and I know the difficulties she's overcome in order to get me here and I don't want to waste that. I'm doing everything I can to help and support her right now but it's so hard. I hate my life so much right now, often times I just wish it would all just stop but I know I can't let it be that way because who would care for my friends and my family? That's what worries me.

Alright another thing is that I learned me being friends with women is causing a major hindrance in my love life. Alright so most of you know my friend base with women is 80% to a lowly 20% males. Sure it sounds good but it's bad. I have conflicting thoughts about what to do when I meet a girl I like. I think too much into it and this whole empathy crap is causing major issues, I hate knowing whats it like, I hate thinking before I do things. Which is why I'm just going to ask this girl out to lunch to get to know her better even though I don't even know her name or never talked to her. I'm going to stick the girl ingenuity in the ass and just do things without thinking for now. I don't have anything to lose from this so it may or may not work but the only reason why I thought it was okay to be friends with girls is because this huge part of me thought it was gay to hang out with men and thought it was hotter to hang with girls but that was a long time ago and that probably screwed me over but no offense to you girls out there. It's just what's causing me to have conflict with myself. Won't lie though if it weren't for that fact of being friends with girls I'd be an insensitive ass for the most part knowing my personality. The main reason is that girls wait for guys and I thought for a while that's what I could do with girls but it doesn't work that way, I have to dive in and take my chances. I think girls have it easier in this department than guys. All I know is that it'll probably help me in the long run but in the short run it's a problem I need to overcome. So we'll see how this new change goes for me. This is another life event I'm going to experience and is currently purging and replacing in my system.

Another thing is that I've been having issues because I'm fat and shit, to other people I'm really not fat but too me I know I am. I've taken drastic measures to do something about it as I did when I lost the initial 60 LBS. It's harder to lose the weight since my body is basically immune to it now so I have to up my game. This week, along with nutrisystem and healthy choices of food I've done pretty well. I burn a normal 2000 calories a day without any exercise. On Tuesday I burned 600 calories doing elliptical workout for an hour doing intervals. Wednesday I did 30 minuets of elliptical and burned 350 calories. Thursday I burned 700 calories and 400 or so doing Hip Hob Abs and weight lifting. Now I stopped doing obsessive workout since I got back from California in August but now it's time to kick it up into high gear. Nothing is changing because I keep cutting myself slack and it's pissing me off so that's why I'm taking drastic measures. I need to exercise 6 times a week and rest one day along with eating high protein and that crap. It's going to suck since exercising takes a long time so I need to sleep less maybe. I will do what I can to achieve the body I want and when I do I'm going whore it up on Facebook and Live Journal. Lol.

My roommate scored me an interview with a job on campus and I totally owe him one. I've been desperate for a job since minimum wage is up to 8 dollars here versus the 6.55 an hour in the past. I can finally get a steady income and pay off this 6000 dollars I owe. Then I can put money towards a new computer that I need since the current one I'm using is about to go to hell. 4~6 years of 19 hours a day of use and it's dying and it's pretty good if you ask me. I'm hoping it sells for a good amount on eBay so I can use that extra money like a trade-in for my new computer.

As for now my Liz friend is being a butt and making me go hang out with her. There goes my homework and eBay listings for today. F my life. I need to replace all this feeling and emotions in my head with heartless, cold, feelings. Maybe? Lol.

So I think I'm experiencing depression as is. I have brief moments of happiness every now and then but when it comes down to it I'm just upset and sad with everything that's been going on in my life. Which is one reason for why I obsessively buy things, I buy things in order to distract myself from the depression but it's only temporary and then it comes back and usually at night. I really do hate my life right now but I'm unsure as to what to do about it.

My dad has left this weekend for Vietnam, so my mom won't have to deal with him for god knows how long. My mom is alone now though and I feel bad since she doesn't have anything to do but at least she has her friend who talks to her constantly to keep her company since that's what she needs and my dad won't be pestering her for a very long time.

Even now I feel sad and alone. I went to the TRAC which is the gym at my university for the first time today. I spent 40 minuets on an elliptical machine and it was nice. I feel good and had a nice lunch and stuff. My legs somewhat hurt but not really since Hip Hop Abs did a major reconstruction on my lower body so it doesn't hurt as much as far as I know. I'm also currently on a cooking rampage as well. Making fatty foods like crab rangoon, cookies, cakes and all that crap. I don't eat it but I do give it to other people so they can get fat and stuff. Lol. This is probably another compensation to my sad feelings right now.

The fact that my best friend has been lying to me is finally sinking in. I don't know what to do or how I should feel. I just feel sad, upset and disappointed. The person I've trusted for two years has lied to me for a year. It's bothering me more so than I thought. I kind of don't want to talk to him anymore but I feel like I should. I shouldn't feel guilt for the shitty things people do but I do feel the guilt. I've yet to know why I feel the bad remorse that I do, I need to figure something out. I don't know what it is but I'll find out.

On a brighter note, I've been meeting new people and stuff. Making new friends that are pretty cool, it's actually been a while since I've met new people to actually hang with outside of school. I have a new kick ass recipe for my crab rangoon and I'll probably make some kick ass steak soon too. I'm hungry but I'm also on a diet which is utter crap. Just one more month of this and I'm good to go as long as I exercise daily and what not. Those are the only good things right now. The one thing I'm still missing is the love of my life...

Sorry I haven't been updating or commenting everyone. So many things have happened prior to school starting and things have only gotten worst since then. I'll give you some of it now but yeah it's just been bothersome. I don't know but it'll be a while before things get regular again.

For one lets start with my parents, a week before school started shit started to go down. My sister was having a party that night and stuff and had some people sleep over. My dad went nuts with his paranoia and stuff and started harassing my mom about stupid shit. He started saying lies and bullshit that I never said to her. Saying things like "How come your son always defends you?" or things like "How come he says that you can talk to your guy friends but I can talk to girl friends?" I never said any of that, I only protect my mom because he's a douch and I never said he couldn't talk to his girl people. I said I don't see why he can talk to his girl people but she can't talk to her guy people. I hate the hypocrisy and he never asked me about that so it's an obvious lie.

He got really mad and lost it and threw an iron, an iHome, and an alarm clock out the window and broke it late at night. All my sisters friends were all scared and I was greatly embarrassed by it. He stopped once he saw that I saw what was going on and got scared that I might have decked him one. If he were to lay a finger on my mom I would take him out so fast he wouldn't even know it. The next morning I had to go apologize tot he neighbors because some of the glass went onto their lawn so I had to go pick it up and it was even more awkward since I haven't talked to them in 3 years or so. It was all so shitty. I was having the crap all on me.

Then last night Brandon starts losing it. He told me he's been lying about his girlfriend and stuff (90% of it) that's a huge number I know. So basically she's not really everything that I've been writing about in my LiveJournal so I was kind of shocked when he told me that. Then I called her and talked to her a bit about everything. Brandon just starts losing it more and starts bawling and shit. I couldn't take it anymore, I mean I'm not mad at him just more disappointed but he did this to himself and I asked him why he lied to me and he said it was because he makes her mad and I understand that but I really want to know his intentions for doing it. I mean she thinks it was to separate I and her but I don't know. I just hope he's okay though. I mean I still care about him despite what he wants to think. It's all going down the shitter right now so it's bleh.

On top of all this I have 19 hours of class from Mondays to Wednesday along with working on eBay since the tech department didn't' want to hire me since they thought I couldn't' speak English since I'm Asian was total bullshit but then everyone else says a lot of the campus is racist like that so I have to put "I speak fluent English and was born in the USA" on all my applications to ensure that they know I can speak English. I'm tired of all of this right now so yeah. That's why I haven't been on. Sorry peoples. @_@

I'm getting very annoyed of my dad. He's a freaking douche hardcore. Alright so I basically do everything around the damn house from cleaning and paying bills of sorts. I'm getting very tired of it very fast. I cleaned the whole house yesterday, cooked some soup and he calls me lazy because I don't help him find tax forms from his business for 2006. He tells me to find papers that I don't even know where to look and it pisses me off because my mom keeps all the tax forms in one place and he's looking in that place. He's so fucking stupid. Today he told me cut the grass at 7 PM which isn't bad but it's during the time people are either sleeping or having dinner or whatever, I'd rather do it during the day to be courteous and he calls me lazy again. Mind you I'm in a lot of back pain for some reason and part of me thinks it's the stress or something. I'm just really tired and he's not helping. The one thing I really hate is that when he gets drunk or whatever he acts all nice and kind as if we're best friends. Like fuck him, I don't love him I hate him as my father and hopes he goes and dies in a fire. I'm beginning to lose it and I'm probably going to die from all this annoyance or something. I can't wait for school.

As I got that out, my room is a mess. My back still hurts like hell and I have too much shit to list on eBay. I need a break or something. I slept all day today because of some weird exhaustion and I have no idea why I was so tired. I need to develop insomnia maybe but right now I hope a meteor strikes my dad as far and as I'm concern I really don't care what happens to him.

Hey everyone wanted to let you know I changed my name from "sinhslife" to "ravingnoodle" I thought I could use a name change since I was getting blah about my current one.

I've had a good few couple of days so far. That girl that was ignoring me well I finally sent her a closure message and I feel much better. It just said "I wish you were more upfront with your feelings towards me, it just sucked the way it ended" and even though I probably should have said more I knew I was able to let go after that and I've felt much better after that. I've also decided to try and be more bold with girls. If I see a girl I have interest in I'll just go talk to them and ask them out. It'll take a huge confidence boost for me to do that. Oh well, we all gotta start from somewhere.

Yesterday I hung out with Abby, we had tons of fun. We made a priority mail sticker cast and covered her arms and legs. It was funny but when we took it off it took a very long time. Her legs and arms look like they were beat up and let me tell you it was the worst idea ever! We tried a lot of things to get it off: soap, water, and tape. There wasn't any duck tape which I thought was odd considering we had a bunch of clear tape everywhere! Oh well, at least we learned never to do that again.

My mom and sister left for Vietnam two days ago or yesterday? I have no idea I can't remember. All I know is that I was super crabby that morning because I had to go pick up this guy from the airport and didn't get home till 3 AM not to mention I had to fully restore my iPhone and unlock it and didn't get to bed till 4 AM. I had to give up my iPhone because my retard of a cousin was like "Uh I want an iPhone 3GS 32GB" but he told us the night before when everything was closed and I was the only one with one so he offered 800 bucks for it so yeah not a big deal but he's a rich ass anyway. So you all know an iPhone cost 700 dollars retail price so it's not much. Also AT&T has the worst customer service ever, T-Mobile has much better customer service but all my friends are on AT&T and it's cheaper in the long run.

I have so much cleaning to do, I'm trying out this Nutrisystem diet thingy on Monday because I need to eat healthier and lose some weight. I think I got fatter or something, I have no idea. Ha-ha. Also I'm trying out this half public/friends journal. I think it'd be pretty neat.

I've been dealing with many insecurities lately, I've gotten over a lot of my emotional insecurities such as what people think of me but I still haven't gotten over a lot of my physical insecurities. It's become such a problem that I even started to look into 'quick fixes' but I just need to get a hold of myself.

Then earlier this morning around 4 AM I kind of was in deep thought and having a mental break down while driving and fuck it the one time I don't pay attention to my speed I get pulled over. What cop is out on the streets at 4 AM anyway!? So I paid a 115 dollar speeding ticket which entitles me to traffic school as well. I refuse to tell my parents because they'll just make a hissy fit out of it and I don't really need that right now. I hate cops by the way, they're such douches. I had to drive my mom's employee to the airport and I was tired already and what a pain.

I haven't heard from my Brandon who is supposedly my best friend for about 2~3 weeks now. I've given up to be honest, I'm tired of being treated badly and if she wants to talk to me he can call me. I hate how I have to tell him to be there for me but not anymore, if he was a real friend he'll be there for me on his own. He's such a douche, he's so focused on his ex-girlfriend or whatever. I mean c'mon, if you are both suffering it makes sense to let them go. They're both miserable together and I don't understand why he can't be the bigger man and just move on. But that's not the point, right now he's just being a bad friend and I'm tired of making up excuses for him so that I can breath easy. The only way I can breath easy is to not care and that's what I'm doing.

I'm going to the 'Taste of Chicago' tomorrow with two friends. I'm hoping it'll get my mind off of a lot of things. I haven't been able to handle myself lately with everything that has been going on. I've just been on this roller coaster, I can't feel happy right now or ever for that matter and I just want things to be done. Just fuck life right now I just want to sleep forever sometimes and never wake up. I just need it to be a sunny day too, the weather has been shitty and that does work a lot on my moods.

I'm just tired of being alone too. I know I sound like a whiny little kid but I don't know, there isn't much I can do about anything right now. I'm a weak, emotional guy I know.

My life has been going up and down lately for a lot of apparent reasons. I guess the both of us are moving on because neither one of us talks about the other one anymore and I guess I feel good that's it's over for the most part. No offense to any of you but girls are weird.

I went to my mom's friends house for a dinner party yesterday. It was alright, though for some reason I get weird when there are too many Asians around and I don't know why. I'm mixing my American customs with Asian customs and it's getting weird. It now gets mildly awkward and I'm beyond taller than most Asians. It's like smurf village for me or something.

I'm taking my mom to get lasik eye surgery done tomorrow, it should be quick but I'll have to wake up super early and on Tuesday we're going to IKEA to get some furniture for me and there's so much awesome stuff to pick out but I don't know what. I want this cool bed/desk combo that has a bunk bed on top and a place for your desk stuff on the bottom but the ceiling might be too small so I'm not sure yet.

I'm also switching to AT&T from T-Mobile. The only reason is because all my friends are on AT&T and my mom and I use a lot of our minutes and it's better if I move over since the majority of her friends are with T-Mobile. I'm like the only Asian I know to be with AT&T, the majority of Asians I know are with T-Mobile. Lol.

Okay, yesterday I thought about a lot of things and I've talked to a lot of my good friends and even listened to someone I thought I'd never listen to because he made a good point. I've decided to just let her go, if she wants to do something about "us" then she can, however I'm not going to care anymore nor do anything anymore.

Why should I continue to push forth effort when she isn't going to push any effort of her own? It isn't fair, this whole thing wasn't fair and just mean. She lead me on badly and it hurt me badly too. I'm smart enough to know when enough is enough. I asked her to call me twice about two days ago and I haven't heard anything back she only said "She was busy". Now I don't know but I do this and something tells me that if you like someone you'll always have time for them no matter how busy you may be. It's just how it is and considering "How Busy" she's been I know she doesn't like me.

I feel rather used in a way, kinda hurt but it's slowly going on. I'm not going try to make something out of this because this isn't fair to me. I'm someone who is an equal opportunist. I want things to be mutual not one sided. It sucks because she was my first date but good thing she didn't give me my first kiss so I guess it's not too bad. Ah well, I guess all I can do is move on.

Alright so fathers day was last weekend, I didn't get my dad anything for various reasons. For one everytime I did get him something in the past he would say he "Liked It" and then just ditch it. He didn't appreciate it so I stopped getting him presents and two I don't like getting presents for jackasses. My mom told me how he was complaining to her about how she got flowers for mothers day and I didn't send him any flowers. Why is the MAN of the family complaining that he didn't get flowers? Now I think that's a little strange, I won't lie. Instead I got him some sunglasses since he lost his but I don't think he used them, just as I thought. He's an asshat.

So recently the girl I was talking about finally contacted me. Here's the thing, I don't know if it's a pure coincidence or not but right after our date she invited on facebook to her graduation party. I put "Attending" then after a week I got fed up and pissed with her and changed it to "Not Attending" which was on Saturday. Now near 11:30PM she sends me a text message. Here's our conversation:

Ali: Hey, sorry I haven't been around the past couple of days >< You're not the only victim of a very long anti-social temper tantrum.
Me: Oh Ali, what's been going on? To be perfectly honest I thought I did something wrong. I mean you totally ignored me for a week. I won't lie it wasn't cool. but can you tell me what's been going on? Sorry if I sound a little angry things have been all over the place, is everything alright?
Ali: I'm doing alright. And I really can't apologize enough about disappearing. I'm sorry.
Me: It's okay, I'm pretty much past the weird and angry stage. If I'm not asking too much, what happened?
Ali: I was kinda trapped in my house doing chores and being yelled at by parents. I sort of didn't check my phone or anything for forever. I'm sorry :(


I probably should have been more critical on her but I'm too freaking nice to be. My biggest flaw is that I'm too sympathetic sometimes but I call bullshit on the fact that she didn't check her phone or anything. I know she's been on facebook especially after I sent those two facebook messages. She had recent activity so her reasoning is invalid. At this moment I don't know what to do.

I'm very unsure of how I'm feeling since I lack experience in this area. A part of me still does indeed like her but the other part wants to say fuck you. I think if I talk to her once I'll know what to do but as of right now I don't know what to do. That was down right mean what she did. I think she was playing hard to get and it totally back fire but I don't know. I think I might go to her party thing and act like a friend and see how she reacts but I might just bluntly ask if she's still interested or not. I don't know, I'm totally wishy-washy right now.

So just last week I went on a date with this girl as I told you all previously. Now we talked on Saturday and on Sunday. From Monday till now she hasn't responded to anything I've sent her. The last I heard from her was on Sunday when I told her I would call her tomorrow and she said okay but on Monday I sent her two texts in the morning, and two phone calls at night. She never responded to any of it. On Tuesday I sent her one text message and one phone call with a voice mail. She still doesn't respond, and on Wednesday I sent her a facebook message and after that she still doesn't' respond. I gave it two more days with no responses and sent her a facebook message and text message yesterday and she's yet to respond and judging by her facebook activity she is definitely ignoring me. Here's the deal:

The date went great, she purposely held my hand, she made the move to do that not me. She ALSO hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Which again was all her, not me. I didn't make much of any moves because it was my first date and first time ever alone with this girl. She told her friends which I'm friends with that she had a fantastic time and how she would love to have fun with me this summer. I don't know what the hell happened but this is getting stupid.

Is this something girls do? because if it is I think it's pretty shitty by all means. If she has a problem or if she didn't want to be something she should have said something. Ignoring me isn't cool at all. If she doesn't respond to me like in the next week, I'm going to begin just removing her from my life. This isn't worth my time with someone who was just leading me on and now just plain ignoring me. I'm over the sad side of me, now I'm just in my determination to find out why mode. My sensitive side is taking a back seat.

Am I overreacting?

I'm feeling some anxiety or whatever right now. The girl I was talking about, well I kind of really like her but I haven't heard from her for about two days and today would be day three. It's kind of bothersome and I left her a voice mail yesterday and she hasn't gotten back to me yet.

She could be either busy or something is up with her phone or so she says. I'm not sure and for some reason her facebook haunts me like hell. She's active on there but yet there's nothing. I don't know, I don't like this feeling and though I may be over analyzing all of this. It kind of hurts.

Hey Everyone!

Sorry I haven't been updating lately this has been a lot going on in my life especially with my dad because he keeps harassing my mom and I just don't like that. So it's been rather crazy lately on some bright news there has been some good things have been happening in my life somewhere just strange and other sorts so here it goes.

Brandon seems to have broken it off with his girlfriend, but he has this issue where he doesn't understand the concept of letting go, because from what I can tell those to keep hurting each other by being together. So wouldn't it make sense to let go, I mean, I know it's hard but you do what you have to do that. I don't think he'll ever get it. Not now anyway. It's gotten to the point where I just don't really care anymore. It's really stupid. I know I'll feel that close with him right now and he's having these things called "emo" weekends where it's like. I try to call him and he doesn't pickup, which I think is really stupid nor does he answer any of my text messages on the weekends. it's just really annoying so I'm going to let him do what he has to do and just whatever with it.

I went on my first date on Friday, which was very exciting. I met her at a party and for some reason I can't explain. There was something there that I had to pursue. So I grew some balls and decided to just ask her out. I was really surprised when she said yes because I have asked that a girl since high school and during high school they all said no. we've been flirting on and off lately except I haven't heard from her for about three days I know she was a busy life to so that has to be brought in somewhere. She's really pretty and I think she's really amazing and I guess I showed her a really good time too because from what my friend was telling me. She told me that since neither her or I have ever been on a date before this was basically our first date. And I was able to show her early good time. I don't know if she'll be able to go out this week, because I've been trying to get her to pick a date, but it seems she's been really busy and really wanted to take her on a picnic date this week, but I don't see it happening.

The worst part about the date was when my mom called. She called once, and I thought she was okay at them at the nail shop, but it turns out she was standing at a Walgreens for three hours because my dad threatened her. So I got really angry because I wish my mom would've told me sooner. I would've driven home immediately, I'm just glad that my date understood everything and didn't hate me for it. like when we were walking out of the movie theater. She immediately grabbed my hands, and that was the first time a girl has ever held hands with me and it was so remarkable. My heart was racing, and it just felt really good, though I didn't want her to meet my parents under these circumstances so that was quite a problem. overall it was okay. I'm just glad she met my mom and not my dad because my dad is a horrible person. Afterward, after everything. I took her home, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and it was just so warm and so nice. I really like this girl and I hope things go well. Right now I just want to talk to her so bad.

hey everyone

Sorry haven't been updating lately I've just been busy with the end of college and a bunch of other crap that's going on in my life. I come home to find that my dad has been verbally and physically abusing my mom for some reason. So that made me really angry and I wanted to fucking kick his ass. then I find out that he decided to kick my uncle out for some stupid asked reason and he doesn't do any shit around the house. My dad relies on other people way too much. What uncle used to do everything from cleaning the house to taking my sister to school my dad never did any of that

I cannot take the fact that he keeps hurting my mom by insulting her and how he doesn't come to work anymore, he even told my mom how when she's working he won't come in to work and that he will only come in to work when she has her days off, which is fucking stupid. I really want him out of his house. He doesn't even know how to make a living for himself. Even threatens my mom that he's going to go steal some money and go back home to Vietnam. We were both like "Really where you going?" because all he does is sit in the basement, drinks beer and smokes and talks to women that think he's attractive when we all know. They're probably just using him to get shit from him. I mean, I know he sends on things, money or random old crap. he even wanted to buy an 800 dollar computer for some unknown person in Vietnam. I told my mom, and then he was all like "It was just a test" I know him well enough to know that every time he says it was another reason or whatever that it's just a lie just to cover up his bullshit.

My best friend is coming over next month, which I'm really excited for, so they'll be good for me. I've been working on my eBay store, I still have a time of debt, but it's going away so far. Other than that, I'll try to get on LiveJournal as much as I can. I can't make any promises with everything that's going on than just letting you all know and thanks to those that nudged me.

I have so much to do within the next two weeks I've been procrastinating so bad. I have two papers to write one for my criminal justice class and another for my creationism versus evolution class. I need to write a 10 page is for my criminal justice class and about three pages for my creationism class. so far I've only started on my criminal justice paper, and I'm probably going to start my creationism paper last minute.

Things have been going well for me the most part, I become really self-conscious for some reason, because I keep working out and it seems like nothing changing, but there is changed but my weight hasn't gone down. There's appearance changes sought him out, weird. I'm also, hungry, but I have to be careful. I think I might be developing being some kind of eating disorder because I feel like I am horribly obese. I'm going to start to go to the gym soon. So my body gets a new type of workout since I've only been working out at home and doing cardio and some strength training, but not a lot of strength training. I need to work my arms and my chest, and probably my abs to because my legs are doing pretty well.

The semester is almost over and I'm getting piled with a lot of homework. I think of when I go insane soon with all the workload and everything. My dad recently came down to visit me because he was taking my sister to Carbondale, since she's going to college down there. took a lot of my eBay crap home because my car cannot hold any more of this crap. So that was a good thing.

That's about it, not much of an update and hope you're all doing well.

Hey everyone I'm finally back online journal for the most part, except I don't know if I'll be able to comment on all of you right away. So I had to hold back on that.

Well long story short, a couple of weeks ago I heard my grandma was about to pass away and that well and really didn't excite me all that much. on top of that school was getting worse and worse with the massive workload and along with eBay, which I thought was supposed to be easy as all that easy started loading up the work as well. To make matters worse Brandon and I got into a fight, because I guess his phone was taken away and I didn't get an answer out of him or heard anything from him for about a week.

Then I had to fly out on an emergency flight to go visit my grandmother. Unfortunately, they had already pulled the plug. I was very upset because no one told me that she had already passed away, and he was there. I was very angry of sets and emotionally wrecked, but there is nothing I can do except to be mad at myself for not flying out sooner or because the stupid school and sometimes I wish I didn't put school in front of other things. I wish I was there to say goodbye to her one last time and I miss her a lot and feel like a bad grandson too.
Also, when I found that my grandma was getting cremated. I was so depressed for some reason, I felt like it was something wrong. I don't know, being cremated just doesn't seem right to me, but if it was her wish I will respect it. I just don't think I could ever do it.

I guess the only upside of me going California was that I did get to spend a whole week with Brandon talked to him about stuff and fixed our relationship. I still think his girlfriend is a complete and utter nutcase by all means, I still think she's crazy but I support his decision with whatever he wants to do, no matter what because I do love him a lot and I do care about him a lot even though sometimes he is a giant butt. However, hopefully he'll learn in time that he shouldn't ignore me too much. But that's something he's going to have to learn on his own. I can't tell him to do it for me if that makes any sense at all. I do miss him a lot. I do love him a lot. I just wish he understood where I was coming from some times.

Also I've accepted Olivia is a really close friend of mine, because I don't have any more feelings for her and I can really be a good friend to her so she says. Even though sometimes I think I'm a bad horrible friend but now all, the only thing that's missing in my life is the fact that I'd like to find a girlfriend soon both of my close friends have someone they love. And I'm once again, the only one without one. patches for kind of lonely, sometimes, even though I know they're always there for me. It's just at the end of the day it'd be nice if there was someone there waiting for me.

Well, basically I went to California and back got delayed at Chicago O'Hare for two hours because the flight crew didn't make it in time. So I set at the airport for a very long time and paid six bucks for Internet access to entertain me. But I guess it was worth it since I got a lot of work done out in today. I was all happy and fine until I got to Japanese class. Why?.

The Japanese teacher is a complete and utter ass hole. He asked me for proof of why I left not to mention he gave me a whole lotta crap because I wasn't there for a week. I just wanted to snap and break his face I couldn't remember a lot of the Japanese translations, I was out of it for a week. I even did two weeks worth of homework ahead of time so that I could even catch up and you know what that an even work. Why? because the syllabus was wrong. also he gave me a whole bunch of crap because I didn't do well onto vocabulary quizzes, which didn't really matter to me since we had one basically everyday and I had an "A" in the class so it didn't even matter. He just kept giving me crap as if I was a bad student for failing two quizzes. Big freaking deal. also I don't see what a plane ticket even proves. It just proves I went somewhere. It doesn't prove I have a family emergency. Also, I just think that we pay the money to go to class. It shouldn't even matter to him that I left class for two days. It's my responsibility, not his! To catch up and do all the work, he shouldn't even harass me the whole time. Hell I want to give them a bag of my grandma's ashes just to prove I was there just to see what he would say. But I'd rather not demean my grandmother that way. She deserves better respect than that.

Overall it was an okay day except for Japanese class. Also sorry for any punctuation or grammatical errors. I'm trying out this new voice to text speech program from Dragon Naturally Speaking. So that I don't really have to type as much. I do say it and it types it for me, which I think is really cool, because honestly I basically typed this whole thing in like five minutes. All because I spoke it. Though it needs a little bit work, so if there are any grammatical errors or whatever sorry.

Though I'm really kind of upset about the people who removed me because I really thought they understood where I was coming from, but in reality they were just looking for active people, but I'm glad that you guys have still kept me are still here. But oh well I guess, I know who my real LJ buddies are right? because honestly the few people that removed me. I thought I was actually getting to know them as good friends, but I guess I was wrong and that I was just another inactive account to them. Oh well what's done is done. I know this is a very long entry, so kudos to you if you read it.

Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long. I wasn't kidding when I said I'd be gone for god knows how long. It also seems a lot of people removed me too but I can't blame them. I'll update a lot more when I get back home. Thanks to those that still kept me.

I'm actually in California right now, my grandma passed away. I've been rather dealing with tons of it. So that's partially why I've been gone a lot so yeah...

I don't know how long but I'm beyond busy. I probably won't be back until late March. I have midterms in school coming up and that load of work is hell. Along with family issues with god knows what. I also have this deal of my business right now so that's taking up time. For now everyone take care.